Well I disappeared for a while huh? In fact, I thought I had deleted this blog…..lucky for all of us it is still here. Cause I’m still horny as ever!

Quick update…the spanking session was a one time thing.  Hubby and I have since gone back to our hum drum sex life.  A lot has happened in my life since my last entry, the most important being that I have been diagsnosed as Bipolar, which I really don’t plan to discuss here often, but it would explain my bursts of manic sexual obsession…which happen more often than not.  And who am I kidding, I’d still fuck if I were depressed. I love to fuck….ya’ll remember me!!

So I have revived this dusty old blog for a special someone. Someone I’d like to fuck like an animal. Someone who’d like to fuck me in return and he knows who he is.  Chatting was getting us in too much danger, and for the sake of my mental health a fantasy blog about my sexual soul mate is going to have be my only form of release.  I have found that even in my darkest moments thoughts of him slip through the cracks of my madness. Moments when I am hurting inside and let my mind wander to the fantasy of him making my outsides hurt equally as bad….leaving welts on my ass before he taks me in his arms and makes love to me. Soothing the pain, inside and out. I still dream of his arms around me and his tongue on my body.

 I don’t know why I thought *hoped* that once we said goodbye I could just turn it off…but I can’t. So this site is now for your personal enjoyment, read it, or don’t…but I know you will….Mr. Boss Man, jerking that big cock to my pictures while you are reading about my naughty past and my future fantasies.

There will be many fantasies for you here City Boy….even in this dysfunctional state of questionable sanity I cannot flush you out of my veins.  Through Madness and Lucidity I am still seeing you everytime I close my eyes. Maybe I am fooling myself, but this seems a safer outlet. Hope you enjoy reading my past posts about what a naughty little girl I used to be :0)

City Boy and I have had some hot phone sex….I love the sound of his voice in my ear as he cums…..I will miss it! But there’s always the videos! :0)   And before anyone goes asking, hell no, we aren’t sharing them!! LMAO! Under different life circumstances….maybe…we could have be making a fortune in the Ametuer Porn World just doing what we love to do.

Today my husband indulged me in my spanking fantasy…and he did so with great pleasure! I see many many adventures for us in the future!

Our morning started out like every other Sunday morning, I always let him sleep in while I tend to the kids and get them fed and dressed. I crawled into bed with him to wake him up at about 8:30 a.m.  While the kids played in the other room, we stole a few kisses and cuddles. All of the sudden out of nowhere he spanked me, hard! I felt a wave of pleasure shoot through me and I was instantly wet! Our eyes met and I could tell that he thoroughly enjoyed the affect of his ‘affection’.  We were like teenagers again for the next 30 minutes, groping and pawing each other while trying to be discreet so our toddlers couldn’t see our X rated display. It has been years since we have had that kind of urgent passion, desperately needing to devour each other.   As the kids ran out of the room chasing each other, he yanked up my shirt and bit my nipple….I could not contain my moan! I decided we were getting too carried away and were going to be ‘caught’ if we weren’t careful. So we quickly made plans to send the kids to Grandma’s for a visit!

Once we were alone again we rushed to get our clothes off as we fell onto the bed. I felt a strong need to have his cock in my mouth and as I made my way down he grabbed my hips and turned them towards his face so that he had easy access to my ample bottom. The first smack was vicious! “Is that what you want?” he growled, I could only moan in response, I didn’t want to release his dick from my mouth. He continued his assault on my bottom, often giving me several smacks in a row and at other times waiting and leaving me guessing. I could not see his arms and had no idea when the next strike was coming.  He was pleasantly surprised at the dripping juices he found when he used his other hand to finger my cunt. “My God your pussy is so wet!!!” He used one finger to fuck me and his thumb to rub my clit, continuing to spank me.  The feelings rushing through me are impossible to describe, but I can remember my lips and fingers getting tingly and numb. I think I was hyperventilating. I don’t know what prevented me from coming during all of that. I think I was almost too excited, I couldn’t concentrate and let the orgasm reach it’s peak, but I was lost in the sensations, all of them overloading me. Finally I could no longer concentrate on my task at his loins and ended up just bent over him enjoying the assault. He smacked my ass and my cunt…a sensation I was not prepared for. It hurt terribly and felt wonderful!! He didn’t hesitate as I screamed, and I almost told him to stop, but I didn’t want him to stop! One side of my brain seemed to be telling me it was too much and the other side of my brain was savoring every moment.

We moved into a 69 position and he continued the occasional smack as his mouth made love to my pussy. It was heaven! Two fingers in my pussy, his tongue on my clit, his lips vibrating as he made humming noises and the stinging of his hand slapping my ass.  It was more than I could have ever dreamed possible!!! I had no idea he would enjoy fulfilling my fantasy as much as he seemed to be!

I could no longer hold myself back from fucking him and quickly mounted him. He grabbed a hold of my breasts and sank his teeth into one of my nipples. The sounds coming from my throat were like an animal! And I could tell by the look on his face he was trying not to come. I was thrilled that this had excited him as much as it did me. I told him to let it go “Fill my pussy up!” He instantly exploded, gripping my hips and and gritting his teeth as he moaned and writhed beneath me.  I nearly came just feeling his orgasm! I still don’t know what was holding me back, but we grabbed the trusty vibrator and I wasted no time fucking myself into a frenzy again as he chewed on my nipples and talked dirty to me. He knows the quickest way to make me come is whisper nasty details in my ear.  He told me how good my pussy tasted and that he could feel my juices still running down his chin. It didn’t take long and I had an orgasm that I can only describe as primal.  It was the best orgasm I have ever had in all of my entire life!! I am still high from it and it happened 10 hours ago. 

I hate that it took me 10 years of being together, 6 of them married, for me to confess my fantasy to him…but I am oh so glad that I did.  I am beyond thrilled at how much he enjoyed it! I was very worried that it would feel like a half hearted attempt at fulfilling some ’silly fantasy’ but he didn’t treat it that way at all. He seemed to really listen when I told him that my desire to feel pain was truly a need. And after today I wonder if he hasn’t often harbored a secret fantasy to inflict pain!! He seemed truly surprised when the topic came up a few weeks ago…but I am guessing he has let his own fantasies wander into the dark side lately because he turned into a FANFUCKINGTABULOUS Dom today!!!

This dirty little girl is very very pleased!!!

Aside from the many ‘rape play’ fantasies that I fostered as a child/teen, (and shamefully so) the first encounter I had with real pain and aggression during sex, flipped a switch in me and clued me into the realization that this was not just some passing phase or obsession. I had a one night stand with a young man in my early 20’s, not something I did often, but at this particular time in my life I was thirsty for a stiff cock and very very intoxicated. I met Jason through a mutual friend I was visiting out of state. I was in a place where nobody knew who I was, and it didn’t matter how I represented myself. Add in a lot of beer, a few joints and a game of strip poker and I quickly focused my gaze on the fiery red headed Southern Boy sitting next to me. The first night I met him not even a single touch passed between us, but there was a fire there, a flash of the eyes, quick glances and dirty comments that let me know he wanted exactly what I wanted.  We made plans with our friends to all meet up again the next night at a concert and local fair.

I went to bed that night with a throbbing between my legs.  I could not sleep from the overwhelming need to touch myself. I was fearful of being heard, I was sharing a room with a friend, but I could not control the urge. I knew sleep would allude me until I satisfied this need. My  mind wandered back to Jason and the glances we shared and all the sexual innuendo that had passed between as we bantered and flirted. My fantasies drifted into a scene where he followed me into the bathroom and slammed me against the wall as he tore open my shirt and yanked down my pants, all the while telling me what a “bad girl” I was and that he knew just how to take care of a ‘dirty little slut’ like me.  This was nothing new, my fantasies have always eventually found their way to the subject of pain and humiliation, but never had a lover ever lived up to or even came close to stepping over those lines in real life.  Until Jason….

Sleep finally found me after a powerful orgasm by my own hand, dreaming of Jason forcing his manhood on me and hissing in my ear.  The next afternoon, when we were face to face again, I was certain-without a doubt-that he too had had a tasty little fantasy about me before drifting off to sleep. The spark was undeniable. The two of us, knew nothing of each other, not even our last names, but the sexual chemistry between us was electric.  Many beers and another few joints later it was obvious our flirtation was going to cross into a full on physical romp.  The minute his drunken lips touched my drunken lips, sitting in a booth in a dimly lit bar, with a zydeco band playing in the background, a sensation fluttered through me. The same sensation you feel when you are getting pulled over by a policeman, or get caught in a lie….danger is the best description I suppose.  Now I suppose this is the part where I need to fess up the fact that I was in a relationship with someone back home. A loving, monogamous, long term relationship. But our physical relationship had withered and I was feeling lonely and rejected. The thought of this aggressive young man wanting to fuck me had me giddy with excitement, so much so that I disregarded my commitments back home.   I say this because, as kinky as I am, monogamy is something important to me. This was not one of my finer moments as a human being, but it did open a door for me….

Finally alone in a dark bedroom with the freedom to release our passions, Jason and I quickly stripped each other and began a passionate exploration of the other’s body.  It was nice, it was fun, but it was turning into the vanilla sex that I had always encountered…a far cry from my fantasies of the night before. Until the moment came when we actually began to fuck. He was very well endowed for a man of his size. He was quite short and skinny, I didn’t expect him to have a monster in his pants! The look on his face as he began to fuck me filled me with excitement once again! He had that angry, fierce look that Thomas would get sometimes and I felt myself being more and more turned on by his sudden aggression. We were in a missionary position as he began to increase his thrusting and force. I could feel his hand reaching behind my neck and it lingered there for a few moments before he reached his fingers up into my thick mop of curls and grabbed a fistful of my hair. Our eyes locked, and I am certain he could see by the look in my eyes that my body was begging for what he was about to do. He yanked my head back so far I cried out…this did not deter him in the slightest. He pulled hard like he was reigning in a wild stallion (perhaps he was) and he used my hair as an anchor for his forceful thrusts.  Lost in the pleasure of the pain I didn’t even concern myself with whether I would have an orgasm or not. I was finally experiencing the taboo pleasures I had been fantasizing about for years!  I cannot remember much about the end of our coupling, the goodbye we exchanged or even his face anymore…but I can remember his hand in my hair, yanking himself up on me with it…it was wonderful. It was a taste…but I am oh so hungry now.

So when I last left off recalling my youthful indescretions I was feeling for the first time the true joy of an oral orgasm with Phillip. From that day on, his mouth on my pussy was a very regular occasion. In turn Phillip was the first man I truly developed a true love for giving head.  I can, to this day, recall his scent. It was intoxicating, a mild musky and even a bit sweet smell. And pleasing him with my mouth became a full on hobby! While he was not the first man to receive pleasure from my mouth, he was by far the first man I that I couldn’t get enough of! I loved to feel him come in my mouth, an event I had never truly enjoyed before him.  And his youthful prowess only intensified the hunger! Phillip could come twice with a blow job, twice in my pussy and never once loose his erection. God the nights we spent hours and hours fucking and sucking and fucking again were heaven!!!

I often wonder if his mother knew why we were always taking my car on dates instead of his truck? We took my car because it was more comfortable for eating pussy! And until the day I sold it 5 years later I could still see the cum stains in the blue upholstery! (I told my mom it was a milkshake stain….such a dirty girl) Phillip and I spent many a night parked in the middle of a field, or behind the old rock piles, where we would quickly strip off our clothes and devour each other.  The love we felt for each other only made these moments even more intense. With Thomas I had some wild times, but with Phillip they were deep…emotional orgasms! He in fact gave me my first and only vaginal orgasm to this day.

From the beginning of my sexual discovery a clitoral orgasm is all I have ever been capable of. However, one night, prom night in fact, Phillip and I found our ususal spot out in the middle of nowhere and quickly helped each other out of our formal attire.  I can remember the weather had just started to get warmer, but this evening in the cover of darkenss a cold breeze was moving in. I was cold, and he wrapped his arms around me as he nuzzled into my neck. Feeling his hard, rippling body against my soft curves instantly made my core temperature rise! The feel of his smooth skin and rock hard biceps was always exciting. I loved running my hands down the ripples of his muscular youthful back. Most of all I loved the feel of his cock pressed against me, begging for entry, while he patiently kissed nearly every inch of me before settling his mouth between my legs. As he worked his magic the windows began to fog with my heavy breathing and moaning. The feel of his tongue, eagerly exploring my most sacred places was like a religious experience. I could finally take no more! I can remember begging him to fuck me!

“Please!”  He looked up and smiled, saying nothing, but dragging his tongue from the depths of my pussy all the way up my belly, around my nipples, up my neck to my ear. His breath was hot and heavy and I could smell my juices on his face.

“Is this what you want?” I could feel his cock pressing and teasing against my aching cunt. “Yes….please” I begged.  In a flash he slammed into me with a force that rocked the car! It was out of his character to be so rough and I loved it. He fucked me hard and fast until I couldn’t catch my breath. I could see by the look on his face he was nearing his first orgasm….

“Uh…Oh…I’m gonna come!!!” I could feel him pulsing inside of me in the beautiful waves of his orgasm, soon I was joining him with my body responding eagerly to his pleasure.  As usual, his first orgasm did little to affect his erection and he slowed down and began to make love to me more gently and passionately. His tongue and breath were hot on my neck and we were both dripping with sweat as the condensation rolled down the car windows. His rhythm was slow and steady and the sensation of cold air on my wet skin,  his hot breath and the friction of his hard body against mine brought me to another screaming orgasm.  This must have spurred his excitement because he once again began to force himself hard against me, pounding my pussy with ferver! I could tell by his breathing he was nearing another orgasm and my anticipation of his pleasure once again created that build up inside of me that indicated I might be coming again. The next thing I knew I was feeling the most tremendous, glorious, frightening feeling from deep inside my pussy. It convulsed and squeezed and my body rocked and shook, and he could not hold back his own climax as his cock as being ravaged by my pulsating pussy! We exploded together in violent earth shattering orgasm! It was beautiful. 

To this day I have never again experienced that. I do not know if it was simply a vaginal orgasm or indeed a G-spot orgasm, perhaps they are one in the same. But I do know that we worsened the milk shake stain in my car that night! LOL!

Sorry I have been missing, like any good blogger…I have become a bad blogger LOL! Sometimes life with two small children leaves time for little else than a quick e-mail check.

Anyhoo I just had to respond to the overwhelming response to My Predicament.  And believe it or not I did have “the conversation” with my husband last weekend, this was before reading your comments, but they have helped reinforce my happiness about the conversation.  I staged a scene for the first time in a long time……

We decided we desperately needed some time alone….and naked! While my hubby took the kids to the babysitter for the evening I hurried up and created a dark and romantic setting in our room. I posted a sign on the bedroom door that said

Read this before Entering: Tonight I am your slave. Do with me as you wish. Please me, Hurt Me, Love me etc… (that is a very condensed version of the note) and I had myself positioned on the bed with a blindfold. I had laid out various lotions, potions and sex toys, along with his black leather belt.  He chuckled with delight at the ’sex buffet’ and I heard him pick up the belt. The clang of the buckle sent shock waves of excitement through my body. “Hmm what should I do with this?” he asked. I couldn’t contain my smile when I thought he might actually use it!!! Alas he put it down and began on a much more romantic journey for the night, which was quite fun and satisfying but afterwards came the opportunity to talk about it. I told him how the sound of the belt buckle had made me feel, I told him that it was just as if he had bit my nipple, it sent a shock of pleasure through my loins! He seemed pleasantly surprised. “Really?!” so then I just spilled it. I told him I had fantasized about pain for years, I told him about Mina and Amorphous’s blog and how their adventures were very similar to the fantasies in my mind, I explained the things I had learned about the BDSM community and things I thought sounded fun and the things I thought I would not be interested in. He seemed very receptive to the idea of exploring this a bit further. I do think he still has the “I’m not supposed to hurt a woman” thing going on, but he seemed excited. I told him that I had hoped he would whip me with the belt. He said he didn’t think the belt was very flexible and might not be a good tool to use. He joked that we should get a whip…..I told him I would look into that right away! :0)  

I’ll keep you posted!

I will get back to Phillip soon, there is plenty to say, but I find myself with the urgent need to blog about something. I have found myself drawn to a blog that many of you may be familiar with. http://longingsend.wordpress.com/.  All my life have suspected that submissiveness excited me.  In real life I am assertive, aggressive, confident. In my home I make the decisions, I manage the money, I run the household. My husband is all too happy to let me be the dominant personality in the home…..something I occasionally find myself despising him for.  For as long as I can remember I have fantasized about being dominated.  Forced. Hurt. Restrained. Not by some strange violent stranger, but by a lover. Someone I trust. Someone who knows where and how to push my boundaries, just enough to make me question my safety. Oh just writing about it is making my chest get tight. 

I just watched a movie last night that has my insides all churned up. Secretary.I highly recommend it if you are into S & M.  Stumbling onto this movie while flipping through channels was so ironic because I have been thinking more and more about my secret desire ever since finding Mina and Amorphous’s blog.  And now I am starting to feel an uncontrollable compulsion to devise my own masochistic experience.  But it is an impossible dream. My husband thinks having sex anywhere other than our bed is kinky.  He would be horrified if he knew the thoughts going through my head. These thoughts I am experiencing more and more lately make my heart race and throat close up.

I tried to dabble once years ago with a lover. I had forgotten all about it until these feelings began to resurface.  I remember I had left him a note that he would find me on the bed. I told him to please not ask any questions, just come in and fuck me, no words, just fuck me.  I laid face down on our bed, naked, anticipating….desperately wanting him to mount me roughly and indulge me in this fantasy. I wanted him to know that I wanted to be hurt. I wanted him to grab fistfuls of my hair and yank my head back while my wrists were tied to the bed, and shove his cock into me forcefully and tell me what a dirty slut I was……what I got was a confused man who obliged by spreading my legs, entering me gently all the while asking “what is this about?”….he seemed disgusted.  I never attempted anything like that again with anyone. Funny how up until today I had forgotten about that. It was humiliating, and not in a good way.

I have suggested to my husband once that I liked to have my hair pulled. He did it one time…that was it. I recently cut off my long hair, knowing there was no point in maintaining my long curly locks if nobody was going to enjoy yanking fistfuls of them as I so desperately desired. You would think as much as I carried on he would have realized how much it pleased me, but he is such a passive person.  I have loved him many years for exactly that. He is kind and gentle. He loves me like no other. He loves my body with all it’s womanly curves and scars, the battle wounds of carrying his children.  He accepts my dominant personality, and finds comfort in my strength. I think the idea that I would enjoy being dominated in any form is something he could never understand or believe.

So am I left to carry my secret desire with me for the rest of my life and never find it fulfilled?  Leaving him will never be an option.  Betraying him will never be an option either.  How did someone like me end up with someone like him?  My sexual appetite is like that of a beast. I have always been this way. Since I was a little girl I have masturbated every day. When I had an obliging lover I could happily engage in some sort of sexual activity many times a day.  But the love of my life…the man I have vowed to spend the rest of my days with, prefers to make love a few times a month, gently and lovingly as I suppose many lovers do.  While I find myself fantasizing every day about being shoved up against the wall, my panties ripped off of me and feeling a cock being shoved into me while he yanks my hair and bites me……who am I?  He has on occasion spanked me, but gently. I want him to smack my ass so hard I can’t breathe. It’s almost irritating to have him gently swat my bottom while I am riding his cock. HURT ME! Make me scream! If you are going to go to the effort to dare strike me…..STRIKE ME HARD!!  A few nights ago we attended a party with some friends and got quite intoxicated. The subject of spanking came up and I mouthed off to a mutual friend, Seth,  that I had a very spank-able ass…it’s over-sized and round and firm.  With a quick glance at my husband for approval, which he received with a smile, Seth reared back and SMACK! It was heaven!!  I urged him on with a smile so he gave me several more….right there in front of my husband.  How could he not see what it was doing to me.  Lust had to be pouring out of my eyes.  He just stood there grinning and looking cocky, seeming proud that his wife had such a spank-able ass….and looking as if he did the same to me often. But he doesn’t!!! I wanted to say “Why don’t YOU do that to me sometime!!!” but I didn’t want to seem critical in front of his friends.  I think he thought it was all a big joke….but it’s not to me.  I walked around for hours still feeling the sting on my ass and wanting to find Seth and beg him to please give me more. I didn’t want him to fuck me…I just wanted him to spank me. Hard! 

  Until recently I think I secretly thought there was something seriously wrong with me. But as I have dared to dig deeper into my desire I am finding so many more of us out there.  What a relief to know that if I am crazy, at least I am not alone.

So that is my predicament.  I think a huge part of me fears that I was so free with my sexuality as a young person, that now at the ripe age of 30 there is nothing left to experience except the bizarre. But I know that is not it….this has been in me forever. The incident with the lover I described above happened when I was 20.  Ten years later I am still waiting…unfulfilled…for someone to get it! Figure it out! See what I really need! I don’t want to be dominated outside the bedroom….I like my life. I like control. I like to be the caretaker. But privately, behind closed doors, I want him to know what I really need. But how can you tell a mid-western, catholic, farm boy that you want him to inflict pain and viciously ravage you?

Not only had I been able to loose my virginity in a very pleasing and sensual way, I had been able to help someone else do the same. I took a lot of pride in being the first woman Phillip had ever experienced. And after we crossed the threshold into complete sexual satisfaction I felt more free to let the inner slut in me peek out more and more.  I was still much more guarded with him at first, I loved him desperately, I didn’t want him to see that deep inside I was an insatiable freak.  But as the months went by I felt more and more free to be myself.  Phillip and I had the most amazing sex! Not the wild, animal sex that Thomas and I had. With Phillip it was beautiful and intense, a full physical and spiritual experience.  And as he became more comfortable and confident in his skills as a  lover, he was eager to learn all that I had to teach him.

Up until Phillip, I had not had many comfortable experiences with having someone lick my pussy. Many had tried it, but it never felt the way I had imagined in my fantasies and I had never been able to come. Looking back, I think the age of my lovers contributed to that significantly.  Worshipping a woman in such a manor is most certainly an adult delicacy. Especially if you are going to do it right.  Phillip expressed an interest within a few months of our sexual journey. By this time I was completely comfortable with him in all my naked glory and sexual tendencies. I was excited and eager to let him have his way with me.

The opportunity presented itself one Sunday afternoon when we were alone at his house.  I don’t even recall how we got from kissing on the couch to naked on a blanket on the floor, but I do remember his lips, slowly trailing down my body, stopping to taste one nipple and then another, licking down my belly, kissing my navel, down down down to my secret garden, pausing to look up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, smiling as he pushed my legs open wider.  I held my breath as he licked my inner thigh and made his way closer and closer. I can remember the feeling of his fingers spreading my lips, gently grazing my swollen clit as he did so. And then it happened, his tongue….oh his tongue. Hot and soft, gently caressing my swollen glands. The feeling was like nothing I had ever known! My body felt like it had been transported to another universe. He explored all of me with his mouth and I gasped as I felt his tongue enter my quivering cunt.  He fucked me slowly with his mouth, causing me to feel like I was loosing my senses.  Then he trailed his tongue back up to my clit, flicking it around to tease my love lips on the way. He settled his mouth on my clit and began a steady assault, gradually increasing his pace.  As I glanced down occasionally to watch him, the look on his face made it all the more exciting, he was in heaven.  Unlike so many other lovers who were just testing the waters, he was swimming in the ocean of my juices and was thoroughly enjoying it! As the motion and pressure on my clit increased, I felt the build up coming in waves. Wave after wave of pleasure, each one threatening to push me out to sea, but never quite reaching.  I feared I might loose control of myself, I was drunk with ecstasy! And as he slipped two of his heavenly fingers inside me, never letting his tongue loose it’s rhythm, I screamed like a woman in pain…but it was pleasure. Oh it was pleasure beyond compare. My body rocked and bounced and Phillip just kept on going. My legs clamped around his head as my pelvis rocked and bucked.  I cannot describe in words the intensity of this orgasm, I am sure he feared for his safety, trapped in the claw of my cunt, but he never stopped. He let me ride his face until I had all I could take. My body fell limp and my legs were shaking as he climbed back up to kiss me. His face was soaked and dripping as he smiled at me, nearly laughing. I think he was quite proud of himself, and he should have been! He was a Sex God in my eyes after that!

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #98? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The Manifesto of the Cuntcentric Hedonist
“I’m not being selfish, I’m being altruistic when I open my legs and offer my body up.”

No reservations, part 4
“By this time, said balls felt twice their normal size and very full.”

Sex Work And Religion: The Violent Priest
“We were to seduce one of the young ladies in the church’s choir.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
JBS Underwear

Editor’s Choice
The Top 10 Reasons to avoid “Pregnancy & Sex” bulletin boards

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Within weeks after Thomas and I parted ways I hooked up with my first real love. The first guy I was head over heels in love with, body and soul, Phillip. I was still 17 and he was a18. Another beautiful farm boy (I live in a rural farming community in the midwest) with black hair, blue eyes, dark skin and sculpted body that looked like it came straight out of a magazine. The kind of body that has never once seen the inside of a gym but has spent many hours bailing hay, tending livestock, and other various laborous tasks. He was shy and quiet and never had the nerve to talk to me unless he had been drinking. Our conversations actually started before Thomas and I split.  Thomas used to tease me about having a crush on him, and at the time I honestly didn’t, but after a while he really started to grow on me. I could tell he liked me.  He would watch me from across that way at parties, our eyes often meeting in the firelight of an outdoor autumn campfire. There was definitly something there, but he never once asked me out.  Of course, me being the aggressive goddess that I am just called him on the phone one night and asked him out myself.  He stuttered over his answer of “uuuh….uhhhh” I finally said “it’s ok to say no”…he said “No! I mean Yes!! I mean no that’s not it, ‘no’ is not what I was going to say, I just meant that I wasn’t going to say no…” It was cute and I laughed heartily about it. I think he was relieved that I was confident enough to roll with it and find the humor in it. 

Phillip and I had a lot of fun on our first few dates.  We seemed to click from the beginning.  He was very much the gentleman and took things very slowly (leaving me to play with myself night after night to find some satisfaction), finally we moved to the groping and petting stage of our relationship. Honestly we were probably moving at the kind of pace the average teen couple moves in….I just happened to be a sex machine by the age of 15, so to me it felt like a turtle’s pace. Part of me wanted to just devour him, but another part of me knew that he was a ‘good boy’ with good morals and I was falling hard for him. I did not want him to see me for the little slut I truly was.  He had to know, to some extent. He ran around in the same circles as Thomas, and Thomas and I were not very discreet about our lust for each other in our hay day. But Phillip seemed to truly care about me. He took his time and wanted to get to know me.  I felt like he really saw me….for ME.  He used to love to snuggle my hair. It was very long and thick, curly and dark and if we had been outdoors very long he used to say it took on a special smell. He said it soaked up all the good smells from the flower, trees and grass and created it’s own perfume. He was so tender and romantic.  My heart was taking over in a way I had never experienced. Truth be known all my other previous lovers before Phillip were based on mutual lust. But Phillip was love. Phillip was patience. Phillip was tenderness. And Phillip was a virgin……..

For starters let me just say if you could have laid eyes on this 18 year old teenage God, you would never in a million years believe he had never been laid. He could have his pick of any girl….all my girlfriends even oohed and aaahhed over how hot he was. But if you got to know him, you would quickly see that he is a very rare breed. He respects his mama, he’s a good catholic boy who goes to church every weekend, he obeyed his daddy even when the chores on the farm were unfair and overbearing. He was just the perfect kid.  Until I got a hold of him of course! Bwahahaahaha!!!

Finding out that Phillip was a virgin both excited me and scared me. I so badly wanted to fuck him…SO badly. But I didn’t want to rush him. I didn’t want him to feel like he was being used, nor did I want him to feel pressured.  I knew it was inevitable. We were in love, the passion was mounting and it was only a matter of time.  I can still remember rubbing his cock through his jeans until he came. The nymph inside me wanted to just reach inside his pants and feel it, but he was bringing out the good girl in me, if only temporarily.  I can remember wanting to beg him to slip his fingers in my cunt, but being afraid he would think I was a tramp.  When the day came that he finally did decide to explore my body completely it was maddening!! I didn’t know how much longer I could take it. I was seriously considering finding a way to buy a dildo or something of the sort. I needed a good pounding and this guy was driving me crazy. But in those days buying a sex toy was not as easy as it is now, especially for a teenage girl.

It felt like such a pleasure and honor to be the first woman to ever touch him like a lover. When I finally place my fingers around his throbbing cock for the first time I nearly came myself.  While not the monster that Thomas was, Phillip was still very blessed in the penis department.  I was all the more eager to deflower him.   And once he got a taste of my oral talents I knew it would not be long before he wanted the real thing.

The night finally came, we didn’t plan it, it just happened.  To this day I can still recall the passion, the tension, the nervousness. I am not exaggerating one bit when I say this….I could hear his heart beating as he came near me.  At first I feared it was footsteps coming towards my room, but I knew we were alone.  But one look in his eyes let me know it was his heart racing.  I can still feel him entering me.  It is a beautiful memory that I will always carry with me.  Gently stripping him of his innocence as he slowly entered me, our eyes locked, him looking so lovingly at me.  I knew then, I could love him forever. The excitement and tenderness of the moment gave me an incredible orgasm, completely unexpected with no build up or warning. My body just seemed to be rejoicing in the joining of our bodies.  He was very surprised at my reaction and I could tell he was trying to hold himself back, he had so wanted to last longer than the average virgin, but my moans and cries, combined with the pulsing in my pussy was more than he could bear and he exploded inside me like a rocket.  We collapsed together and stayed that way for what seemed like hours….and we cried. Happy happy tears. Every guys should loose his virginity that way.

From the first time Thomas and I fucked, we fucked any time we could sneak away! And I say we ‘fucked’ because that is exactly what we did. Thomas and I rarely made love. The chemistry between us was carnal, it was raw lust.  We fucked each other like lions, wild, unabashed and sometimes painful fucking! 

We thoroughly enjoyed fucking in his S-10 pickup truck, and even out in the open air in the bed of the truck. Quite often you could have found me bent over the tailgate with him pounding away from behind. Once we were caught by a crop duster! It was broad daylight, but we had driven way way back into one of his father’s fields so we were certain we were safe….until we saw the plane coming. It was dusting the exact field we were in so we had to scramble to escape.  We jumped in the truck buck naked and drove like hell, laughing all the way!!

Thomas had a brilliant idea one night when we were longing to escape the confines of his tiny truck. His family had an old house that no one was living in, located on a part of their farm.  We decided to break in and utilize that space for some adult recreation.  Inside, he threw me down on a dusty bed and we began tearing each other’s clothes off. I swear that boy only had to look at me and I was wild with desire. The taste of his mouth, the taste of his skin, the taste of his cock, I can still fully recall it.  His mouth hot on my neck with his cock bulging through his pants against me was all it took to have me screaming his name.

There was no better feeling than that moment of anticipation between feeling his dick pressed against my begging, dripping cunt and when he started to slowly push himself in, inch by inch, always ever so slowly…..looking me right in the eye, knowing that he was torturing me and giving me indescribable pleasure.  His body fit mine so perfectly. The friction between our bodies was exactly as God intended ecstasy to be. I could come over and over again just feeling his thrusts. His giant cock felt so amazing. To this day many of my fantasies are filled with recollections of reality.  I don’t need to dream about fantasy lover. I have had him. But as always, it couldn’t last forever.  I think we both knew that what we had was mostly based on lust and not love.  I think we did love each other, but we still had so much growing up to do at the time. We both moved on to new lovers.

I still see him often.  He is still a friend, neighbor and our families attend church together. He has kids the same age as mine.  It’s crazy really. But we both know…..it’s still there. It only takes a second of eye contact for the fire to be lit. I think our spouses suspect it. They probably should.  In one final bittersweet moment as I danced with him at his wedding, and my soon to be husband danced with his new bride, he pulled me close to him. The feel of his body pressed against mine sent memories of passion flooding back.  For an instant I almost didn’t trust myself. I had to push away. He pulled me back firmly and whispered in my ear….

“I will always love you….”

I left his wedding with mixed emotions. He picked a fine time to tell me that!! The one person in my entire life who had ever given me complete pleasure had just informed me he loved me…right after he married someone else.  Years later, once, when he was really intoxicated, he made a pass at me. He left an offer on the table…if I ever wanted to rekindle the flame……but by then we both had families. I am a lot of things…but a homewrecker is not one of them.